Gift of the Darkness
by BethyBoo97
Summary: What if Jean had been the first to cheat? Well that's what's happened and now she's been found out and reality has kicked it. Life isn't always a fairytale.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know how I got to this point, sat on my own in a pub garden overlooking a park while I listen to the cars go past. The glass in front of me is empty and has been for quite a while and despite the freezing temperatures I have no desire to move. My fingers feel like they're about to drop off and I don't think I could pull my coat any closer to me yet I don't want to move. Not yet. I'm a grown woman yet with every person passing and the sudden sirens from an ambulance pass by I'm getting more and more scared. Other than the lights from the cars only the slight light from the moon is lighting up my surroundings a little and I know even that comfort will be gone soon as the clouds float in front as if putting the moon to bed. I bet you're wondering why I'm sat here if it's cold and I'm scared but really I have no choice. I can't be at home because at this point I'm not even sure I have a home. You see I did something stupid, well actually at this point I haven't decided how stupid I have been and right now dwelling on it isn't going to fix things in the here and now. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have, I embarked on a fling with him despite the fact he could never love me and the fact that I'm married. For a while I was happy and living a double life, my marriage was more two strangers who live together and happen to share a bed and distant memories. As far as I know though he never cheated on me, we fell out of love but for years we weren't prepared to do anything about it. That's when I fell for James. It's almost 6 months that I've been seeing James but tonight my husband found out and kicked me out. I should have always known what I was getting into but I love James so much that he made me breathless and unable to think of the wrong or consequences of what I was doing. In reality I don't care that my marriage is over and although I might do tomorrow, tonight I don't care what anyone else thinks. You may also ask why if I'm so in love with James then why I'm sat here. That's easy, I love him but if I turned up on his doorstep now then he'd suddenly realise what he's done and then I'll have lost him too. I'm ashamed to admit it because I've always been so independent, but I can't lose James, the thought makes me feel sick. It sounds pathetic but I'd rather die than lose him. "Jean?" I'm beginning to think I'm going crazy, make that even more crazy, because I can hear his voice. I know you're thinking I should be sectioned now and I probably should be but I'm so convinced I can hear his voice. As I said before I'm rooted to the spot now more so because I'm frozen so I can't move around to check that I am as I suspect, alone. "Jean you must be freezing. It's not the middle of summer." I wasn't imagining it, he's here in front of me and taking my hands and pulling me into his arms. "We can't." I whisper. "Your husband called me and told me I was welcome to you and then the bartender rang Robbie to say he was worried about you but he was busy so rang me to come and get you and it's probably just as well. Come on get in the car before you contract hypothermia and we can talk back at mine." 


	2. Chapter 2

"What are you doing out in the freezing?" He's talking and has been for a while now but I can't bring myself to talk and even if I could I'm too cold to. I'm in a kind of shock I suppose. I pull the blankets he's given me closer and now he's sat beside me and pulling me into his arms. I know I should resist but as I said I can't really move just now and any extra warmth surely can't be a bad thing. "Talk to me Jean, are you okay? Should I get another blanket?" "Just hold me." It's come out as a whisper but I need him to stay exactly where he is, I can't lose the warmth he's giving me. "Okay, I'm not going anywhere but baby you need to talk to me. What's happened?" "He found out James, he's kicked me out." "Why didn't you come straight here?" "James you can't really want me, it was fun while it lasted but I know you don't want a serious relationship. You don't want to be stuck with me. It was easier to sit on my own and try and figure out what I'm going to do." I don't know where that all came from but it's safe to say I've found my voice. I'm in tears again and I must admit it's better crying here than in the cold where it felt like my tears were freezing on my face. I've pulled out his arms now, I need to be strong now. I can't be seen as someone who is falling apart in someone else's arms. I can provide my own warmth now. "Is that what you think of me?" He's looking at me hurt but he'll realise I'm right and when he does he'll thank me for this, it's damage limitation. "What I think of you doesn't come into it. You might think this is serious but James you're just with me for a bit of fun and to say you've slept with the boss. I should never have let this happen." I sigh knowing only half of my statement could ever be true but for now this is how it has to be. "So why did you?" He's challenging me now both with his words and gaze and I know it's what I deserve. To lie now would heighten the damage and that's not what either of us need. "I'm not going to lie to you James, I love you. I love you so much that it makes the wrongs of the situation irreverent." I don't know where my usual self has gone but I could do with her coming back now because this isn't what I do and I don't want word getting around that I've gone soft. Part of me wants him to say he loves me too and for me to believe that and be happy together but that's the part of me that still wants the fairy tale ending and in real life no one gets that. The other half is telling me to let him go, that this has to be no matter how much it kills me and how much I've now lost. "Jean you don't believe that and as fun as it has been being with you..." There we go, he's going to just say that he feels nothing and that I'm right. "But I'm not with you for fun, I wouldn't have ever let this happen if it was just for fun. I do love you and more than you could ever imagine. I thought you knew that, I told you often enough." "Yeah you did but I never thought you meant it." "Of course I did, those words don't come easily but with you they roll of my tongue sub-consciously. I'm in love with you Jean. When your husband said I was welcome to you for a moment I was overjoyed and then I was worried about how you were taking it because I didn't think you loved me like I love you. You should have come straight here instead of being sat out in the freezing." I'm stunned into silence and he can see that, I know he won't push me because I need to be the next to speak, the best I can do for now is kiss him. The action in itself has added another dimension to his words and if I didn't fully believe him before, I do now. "I wanted to come straight here but I was scared of your reaction. I do love you and it seems just as much as you love me. I know this has come as a shock to both of us and it's a lot and very quickly but what now?" I have to ask because as perfect as things have been this last fifteen minutes we still have some quite big things to sort. "I know this unexpected Jean baby but this is the life I've wanted since this started. I know it's maybe too soon or you don't want this but move in? I mean I love you and I can't think of anything better than sharing a home and a life with you. To wake up with you in my arms every morning would make my days a hundred times better, I don't want to push you though. This has to be your decision and if you don't want it then say. Even if you say no, will you stay tonight? It's late and I'd prefer to have you near, we could sort alternatives tomorrow." God he's so cute sorting through everything in his head and thinking of me in everything despite what I know he wants. That is why I could never say no, because for once someone cares about what I want and what's best for me and it's honestly a first. "Course I'll move in, I'm not going to pretend though. The second this begins to crash and burn we end this and if you want me out at any point then you tell me." "I can agree to that but it won't ever come to it." 


End file.
